Not always knowing what to say…

8 May, 2010 at 9:26 am (Uncategorized)

Every morning, I check biblegateway.com for their daily verse, and this is the one for today:

“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”- Colossians 4:5-6

Most people that know me would find it funny that I would have a lack of something to say, but more and more lately, it happens.  I like listening to people, and I like trying to help them when they’re going through unfortunate times.  I went out with my best friend from 4th grade last night, and she was telling me about a friend of hers that had a severely autistic child that could read but not communicate.  The child’s mother told her, “I know that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and I can handle this but what does that say about what he’s given my child?  My child can’t handle that!  He has to live the rest of his life that way!”  And the only thing I could come up with was to say that no matter the circumstance, even if the child couldn’t communicate, he knows that he is loved and cherished, even if he can’t say how he feels in turn.  Some part of me thinks that I didn’t really say enough, or that it sounds kind of lame.  I sometimes try to put my faith into the things I offer to others, but it doesn’t always come out the way I want it to.

I do want to make the most of every opportunity to show other people the good things that God has done for me, and the good things that He allows me to do.  I pray every day that I am a blessing to others the way that others have been a blessing to me.  I know that I’m not always going to be a perfect example, but I should do the best that I can.   That’s why today’s verse caught my attention.

Today’s my birthday.  I joked around that 35 would be waiting on me with flowers and candy.  Currently, it’s greeted me with cold pizza and a Coke.  Not a bad start to the day, if I do say so myself.  I’m waiting on my cousin Tiana to drop off my phone charger, and then we’re going to lunch and then to her son’s soccer game.  And then…I’m not sure if I want to go karaoke or go to the Green Iguana – every time my old classmates want to get together, that place is involved.  We’ll see what happens.

Thank you God for waking me up this morning and letting me know that I’m not done working on what it is You have planned for me.  Amen.

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Vacation!

5 May, 2010 at 3:05 pm (Uncategorized)

Well, I’ve been back in Tampa for a couple of days now.  And…wow.  So much that I’ve seen, and eaten and been hanging around with family and…just so much to write about!

I’ll start with Saturday – I got to hang out with an old college friend of mine in the morning, and then I got to hang out with my Estemmed Cousin myzenmypiece and his family.  He has now made the list of  ‘Funniest People I Know’ – he’s a real trip and a half and he’s a geek like me.  [I must get him into Doctor Who.  Really.]  I also ate at this Mexican place called Qdoba Mexican Grill.  Oh, it was so good, and I’m a firm believer that green chiles make EVERYTHING taste better.

Unfortunately, the Mexican and my stomach had a philosophical disagreement which kept me at home on Sunday.  *sighs*

Monday I was a bit better and ventured out with my cousin Tiana, whom I’m staying with.  We ran errands, ate at Hooters, and had fun.  Of course, I forgot how greasy Hooters’ chicken wings were, so of COURSE they decide to get into an argument with my stomach that lasted ALL.  FRAKKIN.  NIGHT.

Tuesday, I had to run errands and take care of business.  So that went smoothly.  Until I ate the rest of the Hooters wings.  Yeah, I knew what was going to happen next, but I did it anyway.

Today, I’m taking a vacation day from my vacation.  I ordered a pizza, and sat and watched my soaps.  Foot was online for a bit, and we talked.  He misses me!  Foot’s not the sort to always be open with his emotions, so for him to come out and say that he misses me really means a lot.  We also had a talk about my brother.  Long story short, he’s done some things to our family that are less than stellar, and I’ve been bothered by it.  [I used to be  mad, but in the time since I’ve learned that anger is a wasted emotion.]  Foot tells me that at some point I’m going to have to deal with him and that no matter what, he’s still family.  I’m not the most keen on that idea because I’m a student of ‘screw me once, shame on you, screw me twice, shame on me.’   It bothers Foot that I don’t choose to have a relationship with him.  I’m like, ‘There are enough people that actually do care about me so why would I waste my time on someone that’s proven time and again that he doesn’t care about me?’  So, I’m in the process of working on that, and asking God to help me work on that.

Tomorrow, I’ve got more errands to run.  And I had a lot to say, but once again, the will has left me.  Anyway – I’m doing well on vacation and having a good time.  ^_^

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Going Home…

28 April, 2010 at 10:33 pm (Uncategorized)

So tomorrow, I’ll be on my way back to Tampa.  Ask me if I’m excited. Go on, I dare you.  Ask me!

Certainly, I’m going to miss my husband and the kids to pieces.  But I’ll get to see Erica, and that won’t stop being fun.  She said she would take me shopping at Charlotte Russe [which I am looking forward to] and we’ll go to Vallarta’s.  I’ll get to hang out with my church friends [including my esteemed Cousin, myzenmypiece].  I’ll get to hang out with my cousin Tiana – if we weren’t cousins, we’d be best friends.  The other thing I’m excited about is that if everything goes to plan, I’ll be able to go up to Washington DC to visit more of my family, most of whom I’ve not seen in going on 15 years.  [I.  Don’t.  Like.  Flying.  More on this in a second.]

So yes, I’m going back to Tampa.  Tampa is where I spent most of my life and have ridiculously fond memories of.  [And not so fond memories, but thanks to a little thing called forgiveness – of myself and others – I don’t mind the not fond memories quite so much.]  Tampa has Cuban sandwiches, Columbus Drive, USF, Dale Mabry, 275, Malfunction Junction, Chamberlain High School [GO CHIEFS!], West Tampa, Town n’ Country, Clair-Mel City…Jerk Hut, Bern’s, Mema’s Tacos…  I don’t miss being broke off my behind in that city, I don’t miss the job I used to have [a tech-girl, gofer, designated verbal punching bag at a shop I will not name] and I don’t miss the $540 1/1 we used to live in off of 22nd and 131st.

But I miss Tampa.  I know where things are there.  I know how to get just about anywhere on the buslines there.  I know I have friends that care for me there, even though I spent a long time believing that I didn’t and that nobody would want to even [know] me because of where I was in life.  So mostly I’m going to go reconnect with those people.

Anyway, I’m sleepy and I have 4 more hours of work before I pack it up and hit the bricks.  I’ll see y’all…when I see y’all.  🙂

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So [today], I have something to talk about.

19 April, 2010 at 8:19 pm (Uncategorized)

You know, I wanted to write something inspiring and uplifting and just…something that would make you think as an entry yesterday, but it didn’t quite happen.  It was a mixture of lethargy, allergies, and Doctor Who.  But there was something else at work here, too – the Enemy.

Now, the Enemy would like to think that he’s an old friend of mine because let’s be honest, my past has more colors in it than the rainbow.  So whenever the Enemy gets a new idea into his head, or thinks that one of the old ones are going to work, he likes trying them out on me.  For a long time, I let him, and it was, to say the least, an unwillingly toxic relationship.  It becomes so that you wonder if there [is] any forgiveness for all the stuff that’s come before.  [And there is, and for that I’m ridiculously thankful.]

Now that I’ve have forgiveness, now that I can call on God and be safe in the fact that he’s with me no matter what happens, it’s gotten a little harder for the Enemy to get me down, you know?  But apparently it’s not stopped him from trying.  Example:

I have goals.  I wanted to get some writing done this weekend, but I have pretty bad allergies.  Most times, if I chug enough Benadryl and NyQuil, I can manage them.  But no amount of medicine was gonna fix them this time.  So I resigned myself to staying in bed with the TV and the internet.  The downside is, I was so focused on being miserable that nothing I wanted to do got done.  [I even lost 300K fake money in Facebook poker, that’s how bad it was.]

I went to work this morning feeling a lot better, and I resolved that no matter what happened, I was going to commit myself to some goals and get them done.  One of which was writing.  I’m feeling better, and even when I go through a period of about to cough up a lung, I pause, take a breath, and keep going.  Because I need to do this.   That being said, I have a laundry list of tabs across my Google Chrome browser that I wanted to talk about, so from left to right, in order that I discovered them:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/apr/11/oklahoma-bombing-15-years-on

This is probably going to be the best and most heartbreaking article that you’re going to read about the Murrah Building in OKC.  I remember when it happened – Ma and I stayed glued to the TV all day long trying to listen to the news about it.  [Remember when the TV was your first and foremost source of information?  I do, but there’ll be a time when my kids won’t.  I already got the stinkeye from my girls when I told them that my first TV was a 9” black and white set.]  Timothy McVeigh [who was sentenced to die, and did in 2001] and Terry Nichols [who is serving life but me myself, if you help plan it then you should die with it], the two of them were so disillusioned with our country and the current way of political thinking that they decided to take things into their own hands and make a statement.  By blowing up a federal building in Oklahoma City.  If I want to make a statement, I clash my clothes, or wear my hair in a Macy Gray afro.  Or at my bravest, pick up a sign and protest.  Loudly.  But blowing up people?  Are you kidding me?  And that’s what scares me about the current political climate.  Nevermind the fact that there are fringe elements of the right that are card carrying members of the KKK, homophobes, and bigots, and members of the fringe left [hi there, Greenpeace] who willingly put their lives on the line for animal rights and hugging trees and are almost militant in their stance for the rights of their particular idea.  [I’m sorry, I’m more down with MLK than Malcolm X.]  Look, everyone.  I’m all for my country being fiscally and socially responsible.  But I like to think that we can get it done without calling each other ‘niggers’ or ‘fags’ or ‘Nazis’.  The other thing is that 15 years hence, we’re only [now] starting to lock onto the sorts of people that have the biggest chance of repeating something like OKC.  Think about it – after 9/11, there wasn’t a Muslim in America that didn’t find themselves, consciously or unconsciously, subject to some sort of suspicion on whether they were a terrorist or not.   But for years, we continued to overlook the sorts of people that would bomb abortion clinics, protest Bon Jovi concerts, and the Olympics.  Any terrorist threat, from without [or] from within, should be treated with as much intensity as we can give it.  There shouldn’t be any sort of discrimination between a terrorist threat from Al-Qaeda or a terrorist threat from some wingnut group with their own agenda, both groups want the same thing – the disruption of someone else’s rights – an American’s rights – to promote their own agenda.  If you have an agenda, I get that and that’s fine – but do it the right way and write your congressman, march on Washington [hey, it worked for us!] but for the love of all that’s holy, don’t drag another innocent life into your madness.

http://www.articlesoffreedom.us/Introduction.aspx

This is a group that I saw on cnn.com that’s fringey, but I can’t entirely disagree with [everything] they say.  I agree that there are certain things that government can and should do.  I also believe that there are certain things that government cannot and [should] not do.  My problem with this site, with its intentions, is that they’re part of the birther movement – they believe that Obama isn’t a US citizen.  Twenty bucks would say that they’d easily forge a birth certificate for Ah-nold, but I’m digressing.  I’m all for less government intrusion in our lives – if it doesn’t say that government has a role in it, then really there should be no government role.  [Hi there abortion – I don’t agree with it but I’m not going to go around and tell others that they can’t do it.  It’s not my life, nor my decision, and I wouldn’t want someone doing that to me.]  One of their points has an isolationist lean towards it – that we are constantly ‘meddling in the internal affairs of other countries’ – and that’s something that bothers me.  It’s just me [possibly] , but we have enough problems of our own – a declining educational system, homelessness, the decline of our society as a whole and yet at every opportunity, when the monent serves us, we feel the need to stick our nose into some other country’s business and try to show them that ‘osnap, Democracy’s the way to go!’  I’m sorry, but I don’t think Democracy works for everyone and that we are certainly not shining examples of it to go schlepping off our way of life to other countries.  Last I checked, England and France have both Parliamentary styles of government and we don’t see them trying to force that on everyone and their momma the second someone steps out of line.   But yeah – some of that site is a little wingnutty, but there’s some stuff on there that will make you do a little legwork so that you can get at the truth.

There were a couple more, but I’ll save those for the next time I blog.  Hopefully, some of this made you think, or made you want to think.

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*sneeze*

18 April, 2010 at 12:08 pm (Uncategorized)

So if you are a fan of my twitter or my facebook, then you know that over the last week, me and my son have been rivers of free-flowing snot.  [I hope you’re not eating while you read this…]  You see, in Mississippi, Spring is a beautiful season.  Full of growing things.  And, as one friend of mine put it, ‘Trees repeatedly having sex with one another and spreading their pollen”.  Yes, that about sums it up.  The stuff has practically turned our off-white car a sick shade of yellow, there’s peach blossoms and magnolia blossoms and dogwood blossoms and azalea blossoms and the pines are sprouting that stuff and never mind the oak tree stuff…needless to say, I’ve been a snotty, sniffly mess for the last 10 days or so.  It’s no fun coughing until you puke, or the chills and fever [mine has been super bad] or having your 2 year old sound like a barking seal when he coughs.  But yes.  Spring is beautiful, but not quite for those of us that have ridiculous allergies.

I don’t have much else to post – it’s been all about the allergies.  Oh, I got ridiculously hooked to Doctor Who over the weekend.  So if you see me tweeting mostly about that, don’t be alarmed.

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Hope, Joy, Faith, Obedience, and Other Things…

13 April, 2010 at 5:04 pm (Uncategorized)

For starters, while I love Genesis, I’m perfectly okay if I never hear that 13/4 anthem ‘Turn It On Again’. My Pandora is like, ‘WTF, you love Genesis but you hate ‘Turn It On Again’?

Oh yeah – how do I know that ‘Turn It On Again’ is in 13/4? YouTube Trey Anastasio’s induction of Genesis into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and he’ll tell you. And honestly, I couldn’t think of another band to induct them but Phish, the greatest jam band [even greater than Dave Matthews] EVER. [Yes, even greater than the Grateful Dead.]

But one of the points of my entry. I’ve finally taken this blog sort of public – I outed it on my Twitter feed. I don’t presume to do anything great with this, I just want to put the real Angela out there. [Hi, I’m Angela! How are you?]

The main point of my entry is this: We are planning to move to Seattle. The original plan was that we would get our refund check, find an apartment, and just MOVE. It’s not worked out that way. Plan B [remember y’all, always have a plan B!…or if nothing else, God always has a Plan B] is that Foot [loving husband] would move out there, and be like the gold rush pioneers of old – he’d go out, stake his claim on his fortunes, and send for his family as soon as he gets the money / living arrangements situated.

I…um…okay.  That honestly flips me out.

Foot wouldn’t do anything silly or stupid while he’s out there, I know that.  But I lean on him for a lot of things and it’s going to be a little disconcerting to be away from someone I love, someone who’s a ridiculous amount of emotional support for me.  I have a friend in Houston going through that now – her hubby is off in the world doing stuff for government contracts [details changed] for the next five months and she’s felt the same way that I do.  We are close friends [as close as the Internet allows, anyway] so that would prolly be a good idea.  I dunno…it’s a good idea that Foot goes out there first because it would be harder to do things and constantly worry about a wife and two children, but the big thing for me is being by myself.

Wow.  Fear.

Not even fear, just…insecurity.  I’ve never really been by myself in my life – since I was 22 years old, I’ve always had Foot.  And before him, I was in a 3 year relationship.  It’s like the good things I envision for myself are on the other side of this gap and I’m staring down into the unknown of the bottomless chasm.  [I know, the description is a bit dramatic.]  I [know] that fear is the work of the Enemy, and in my other tab on Google Chrome [greatest browser ever!], I’m looking up Bible passages about fear.  People are afraid or unsure about things every day, and those in faith take a deep breath and say, ‘Whatever is in His will, is.  I know I’m going to be okay because God walks with me, but it’s going to take time for me to stop saying, ‘You still there?’  I know.  I’m such a n00b at this.  XD!

Heeeey, I think I’ve stumbled upon something in an article:

We need to focus on our relationship as God’s child and our service to Him. We need not seek our own needs and expectations, but trust on Christ and our efforts will please Him. Our Lord knows us and our situation better then we could ever know. From this knowledge comes the promise of a future that is in our best interest as well as His, so we should trust and obey with a joyful attitude.

[from http://70030.netministry.com/articles_view.asp?articleid=32750&columnid=3881]

You know, I like how God throws things at you when you need them.  So there you go.  I’m going to trust and obey and be joyful.  Joy keeps me afloat and smiling and happy and optimistic.  I should think about how blessed and fortunate I am that I have the option of moving in front of me.  And hopeful about the future that my children and I will have when this thing really gets off of the ground.  Hope, Joy, Faith, and Obedience.  Got it, Lord.  Thanks.  ^_^

Other news:  John Tesh confirms that he dated Oprah while they were cub news reporters in Nashville, TN.  Wow, right?  http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2010/04/13/john-tesh-confirms-he-dated-oprah/?hpt=Sbin

My new laptop will be here tomorrow.  [It left the UPS Air hub at 244 my time today.  So it’ll be there first thing in the AM when I get to work.  W00t w00t!]  I cannot be more excited about this.   Thank God for the refund check [that was a serious blessing, because it’s put a lot of things into motion] and for Foot being an extra helping of kind for buying me a laptop so that he can have this computer back.  [Technically, the laptop I’m on is his, but I’m on it waaaaaaaaaay more than he is.]  And a shoutout to TigerDirect because not only were their prices good [I know, it’s refurbished and it’s AMD], but their customer service is [really] good, and they offer you a program where if your lappy is under 500 bucks, you can trade it in two years.  OH YEAH!  So I’m all on that.  I can’t wait for tomorrow!

I need to buy my tickets home this week.  Ugh, that’s what I get for procrastinating.  I can’t wait to get back to Tampa.  I miss it.  Thankful for what I have now, but I’m thankful for my friends and most of them are [there].

I love Breaking Us In Two / Joe Jackson. In fact, I love most anything he does.  A very underrated keyboardist, musician, and songwriter.

Anyway, now that I’ve been sufficiently distracted by the other things I need to do and my lovely children, I’m going to end this here.  I’ll catch you guys later, or somesuch.  🙂

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Saturday Night’s Allright…

10 April, 2010 at 11:53 pm (Uncategorized) ()

Okay. Spartacus: Blood and Sand is the best show that a lot of you guys probably aren’t watching.

I’m listening to Joe Jackson, after buying 30 bucks worth of mp3’s down at concordmusic.com – they bought out the old Prestige label, and now I’m downloading all the organ jazz records that we used to have at our house.

I love my husband. Never mind the fact that he bought me a 400 dollar laptop, but mostly for the fact that he did exactly what he said in our marriage vows – he’s stuck with me through better and worse, and he does his best to do his best for me and the kids.

My two year old is unclear on the concept of ‘sit down’. o.O

I’m in the process of editing 4 years worth of writing from NaNoWriMo. [Brief explanation – NaNo is where every November, you attempt to write 50K words in 30 days. I have been successful with this every year since 2005.] The last 4 years, I’ve written original novels that happen in the same universe, and a college friend of mine told me that I needed to stop making excuses on why I wasn’t going after my dream and just do it [like Nike]. So now I’m going through all of this stuff and editing it all up for a possible rewrite. Oy frakkin vey. But I have to start somewhere, and it’s baby steps. Can’t hate.

I can’t wait to get my new computer. Because it’s better than the one I’m on now. I’ll prolly end up selling my old parts to Dean, my coworker.

Guilty pleasure: booty shakin’ music. Currently listening to Trick Daddy on my 69 Boyz Pandora station. I wish I had the perspective of life at 19 that I have now. But God led me through everything [even when I thought he abandoned me] to get where I am now. I’m about to embark on some seriously big things in my life, and for the first time in I couldn’t tell you how long, I think I am ready for it. [And if I’m not, God will tell me that too, and I’ll adjust accordingly.]

Lastly: I finished Final Fantasy 12 tonight. My kids treated it like they were watching a movie and they didn’t say a word for about 30 minutes while watching the ending. And then Madison thought it was the coolest thing in the world that I had survived 4 back to back boss battles and gotten the ending. That ‘wow, Mom!’ was really worth it.

Oh heavens, I get easily distracted. I was playing poker, and finding high school friends on Facebook. I can’t hate on Facebook – it’s part of how I got here to this point. [See first entry.]

Anyway, I’m going to close it out here before I get too much more distracted. I’ll talk to you guys later.

PS: You can’t ever tell me that you didn’t get up and jump at least once to Jump / Kriss Kross [Some of them try to rhyme but they can’t rhyme like this]

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Missing The Internet…

8 April, 2010 at 7:47 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

So…um…hi again!

Trying to catch up after 4 days away from the internet.  Hubby is gone hunting [read:  going to the store to pick up pizza], Madison is drawing Naruto characters [ALL.  THE.  TIME.]  and Tommy is currently watching Thomas and Friends on Sprout [the greatest channel ever in the history of programming for kids] so I figured that now is a good time for me to write about something.

Write about what?

Lots of stuff!

Jon suing for child custody from Kate:  Iunno.  Neither one of them is at home raising those kids – Jon’s being all tra la la around New York and Kate’s crossing the country so that she can try to make more money off of her fame for having 8 kids.  Someone on Twitter said that if it was a black man that had left her with 8 kids, this wouldn’t even [be] a story since that occurrence is so common [allegedly].

Michael Steele under fire from other Republicans:  When you have Sarah Palin calling you unqualified, that’s saying something.  I’m sorry, Michael, but you should have known that you were just a face and not a true figure for the party.   The Republicans put you there to say that they could be as Black as the Democrats were – like they put Sarah Palin in as a VP candidate to say, ‘hey, we can include women too!’  The Republicans just need to stop it.  I’m fed up with their inability to come up with coherent workable alternatives instead of just saying ‘no’ because the other people are Democrats, I’m sick of their constant attempt to corner the market on God [I’m sorry, God created all of us, not just the Republicans], I’m furious with the fact that through one corner of their mouth they preach that they want less government but insist on putting people under a filter if they wish to have abortions or are gay [me myself, I will not argue with a woman’s choice because that’s an individual matter of conscience and nobody else’s business but her own,and same for being gay – what you do in your bedroom isn’t my business, much less government’s and that they deserve every protection that the Constitution affords them], and the cherry on the sundae is that through ALL of that, they still call themselves “The Party of Lincoln.”

This doesn’t mean that Democrats are off the hook with me, either.  Democrats like throwing money at things.  I don’t mind if they throw money at healthcare.  But they can’t hug every tree and they can’t save every person.  Some things the people have to learn how to do for themselves.  I am of the opinion that welfare is one of the single worst things to come out of Lyndon Johnson’s idea of a Great Society.  Long before I was born there were families that stuck together and helped each other out.  It used to be embarassing to have to ask for help from someone that wasn’t in your family.  I’ll be the first person to tell you – currently we’re on food stamps but it’s not our intention to stay there – we’re working towards a day where we won’t have to need them anymore.  Where I am [and I only mention this because it’s so painfully right there in front of me] there are generations of people who live off of the government.  And I think that’s wrong.  The government is a hand up, not a hand out.  I remember a while back, some states were enacting a law that people could only be on welfare for so long before they had to enroll in a work program, or show that they were looking for a job.  I am not heartless towards the plight of others – it would be ridiculously easy for me to apply for government assistance, but I married a man that feels [as my parents did] that it was shameful to have to go on welfare, so as that is, we are doing our best to not have to do that.

But who knew, right?  That there used to be a stigma of shame associated with not being able to support yourself enough to have to go on government assistance.  Now in some circles it’s a badge of honor.  What has our world come to?  I don’t understand how the Democrats can stand on that and not try to change it, unless they’re content with having an underclass of people who are consistently beholden to them and say, ‘hey – we got you welfare.  Keep voting for us!’  That is the ugliest tradeoff I could think of.

I want government to stay out of my personal business.  If I turn lesbian tomorrow, and find myself someone to love, I want to live without government caring or wondering what I’m doing or the legality of our partnership.  [I’m not for marriage, but I am for recognition of benefits between partners – marriage is a private thing and government has no business having involvement in that, either.]  I want government to act sensibly and responsibly  in matters of financial and social responsibility.  I want my government to not be dominated by who believes in God more.  I think it’s sick and selfish to use God to play politics with people’s lives.  As I said before – God created all of us, Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, Socialists, Communists, Anarchists so it just feels downright WRONG for any one political party to say that God called them to do such-and-such.  Religion for me is a very personal experience and government has no place in [that], either.

So to sumup:  Both political parties suck in different ways.  Now onto other topics.

Currently listening to:  Long Distance Runaround / Yes.  I freely admit – I’m a total prog rock junkie.  I used to feel weird and awkward at the fact that I was Black and I had a mad on for Genesis that started when I was the age of 11.  I am a fan and a student of all genres of music – you will find everything from Brown Liquor soul [I wanna go outsiiiiiiide….in the raaaaain…] to country to jazz to Japanese R and B [I so wish more people knew who Shimano Momoe was, her music is frakkin AMAAAAAAAAZING!] to of course, the aforementioned prog rock.  I think it helped that I took ridiculous amounts of music lessons as a kid, and was exposed to all manner of music when I was young.  When I was a kid, my three favorite genres were organ jazz [Johnny ‘Hammond’ Smith, Charles Earland…heavens, anything off of the ‘Prestige’ label], Hall and Oates [you have to admit that I Can’t Go For That really rocked it], and Industrial Strength Oldies [The Mills Brothers, the Ink Spots, the Platters].  I had to laugh at the ‘Martin’ episode where Tommy moves in with Pam and he keeps playing that ol’ skool Lou Rawls record – we used to have that ‘Natural Man’ song on 8 track!  [Yes.  I dated myself.  Hush.]

Wow, did I get distracted just then – I was trying to look into the whole Jon and Kate mess while trying to keep up with Tiger Woods while tweeting with my Cousin and some of my friends and catch up on what I’ve missed all the while it’s bathtime  / bedtime and I’m listening to The Who.   And I mentioned on Facebook that I feel Joy.  I have my family, Foot’s family, my church family from Tampa and God.  Why [shouldn’t] I be joyful?  Wow.  I am blessed.  Y’all be blessed too.  ^_^

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…you better start doing it right…

16 March, 2010 at 9:24 pm (y halo thar) (, , , )

Holy Mother of God
You’ve got to go faster than that to get to the top.
Dirty old mountain
All covered in smoke, she can turn you to stone
So you better start doing it right
better start doing it right.

You’re halfway up and you’re halfway down
And the pack on your back is turning you around.
Throw it away, you won’t need it up there, and remember
You don’t look back whatever you do.
Better start doing it right.

On your left and on your right
Crosses are green and crosses are blue
Your friends didn’t make it through.
Out of the night and out of the dark
Into the fire and into the fight
Well that’s the way the heroes go, Ho! Ho! Ho!

Through a crack in Mother Earth,
Blazing hot, the molten rock
Spills out over the land.
And the lava’s the lover who licks your boots away. Hey! Hey! Hey!
If you don’t want to boil as well.
B-B-Better start the dance
D-D-Do you want to dance with me.

You better start doing it right.

The music’s playing, the notes are right
Put your left foot first and move into the light.
The edge of this hill is the edge of the world
And if you’re going to cross you better start doing it right
better start doing it right.

You better start doing it right.

Let the dance begin.

It’s the lyrics to one of my favorite Genesis songs, and it’s an apt description of where it is I happen to be after nearly 35 years of living.  But in case you don’t know me [or haven’t seen me in forever], my name is Angela, I’ll be 35 in about 6 weeks, I have three kids and a hubby and we currently live with my inlaws in what a lot of people in the city would consider BFE [bum f***ing Egypt] Mississippi.

When we arrived here two years ago, in 2008, it was a rocky crash landing at the bottom, accelerated by me quitting the post office after 11 years, sliding into depression, and the realization that because I couldn’t summon the energy to go to work [I barely left the house for two years] or do much of anything except look after 1, and then 2 children.  [My oldest lives with her father.]  We came to Mississippi with everything we were packed up into a rental car.

In retrospect, when you’re at the bottom, there really isn’t anywhere else to go but up.  Within 6 weeks of arriving, I got a job that, two years later, I’m still with.  Foot [what everyone in the country, myself included, calls my husband] got a job, but they let him go [accursed economy!  *shakes fist*] and as it stands right now, we are saving our money to get out of Dodge and move westward.  To somewere in the Seattle, WA area.

So that’s the last four years of my life, in a nutshell.

The upside of this is that I’m in the process of finding my faith.  Part of it is the realization that while I got myself into a bad spot by myself, I didn’t have to get out of it by myself, and God put things in my life to say, ‘Hey.  Up here.’  I wasn’t [always] listening, but the most hints he dropped, the more I started to get it.   Then last November, I started listening to Steve Harvey in the mornings, and every morning, he speaks of his faith.  It inspired me.

But the cherry on the sundae was Facebook.

You might read that and think, “Facebook, what the…”

But yeah – Facebook.  It started off with me finding my high school friends on there, and all of them adding me.  *waves to Plant and Chamberlain High Schools, Class of 92* But the kicker was finding the people I had grown up in church with – most all of them were online.  [And it’s truly weird because I remember most of them, save for my Cousin – who was always the older guy that had his stuff together and I always thought he was soooooo serious – as kids.]  We’ve all grown up, we all have families of our own, some of us have passed…but look at us now, right?  We’re all Facebook friends.  We’re all still in the church, to varying degrees, but now we’re all together again and that feels good.

God [really] got my attention with that.  And He’s not lost it since.

I’m still learning about my faith and how to nurture it and all.  I pray a lot.  And I do a lot more listening than I used to.  I’m glad I was blessed with a curious mind, because now that I’ve found [this], I want to know more and use it to dance on the volcano.  The song says that ‘you better start doing it right’.  Well guess what?  I’m learning how.  Finally.

As I mentioned earlier, we are in the process of  making some moves to get out to Seattle, WA.  Currently we’re in Mississippi, and it’s not bad, but to be honest, it’s not that great.  There is nothing out here to speak of, except family.   It’s a 20 minute drive to anything [although they are building a Dollar General 10 miles up the road, which will cut the trip for a gallon of milk in half].   I freely admit that I’m a city mouse, and Foot…Foot’s a country mouse that doesn’t like to admit it.  But even he acknowledges that he wants to be somewhere where the weather is decent, and there are plenty of opportunities, both occupational and educational for our family.  So Seattle it is.  I’m working trying to put things together, and God steps in and tweaks things a bit…in a way, it’s the best working relationship I’ve ever had.

Okay, I’m back – 3 hours later.  I”m odd in that I get ridiculously distracted by something.  This time I was distracted by a minor setback in our apartment hunt, and we were discussing ‘now what?’  I sorta started to get discouraged, but a quick shower and a chat with God made me a little less anxious, and I got right back into working to make this happen.  Wish though I could, I can’t just snap my fingers and magically make it happen.

Anyway.  There’s a whirlwind of stuff that’s brought me to this point.  And the point of this is – it’s about time I had a grown-folks blog with grown-folks thoughts and grown-folks problems.  I’ve never really felt like a grown-up before, but then again, BioDad explained to me once after Daddy’s funeral:  “Nobody ever gets it together until they’re 35, anyway.”  I’m happy to say that so far, he’s not been wrong.  But I’m ready!  There’s some wonderful stuff out there for me and God’s waiting for the right time to put it all in front of me.  If I take a few steps, he’ll take a few more and before you know it, I’ll be where I’m supposed to be doing what I was put here to do.  I wonder why I never thought of it that way before?  How is it [now] that I’m ready to understand these things and live these things?

It must be the ‘almost 35’ talking.

That being said, this first blog entry is nearly 1300 words of all over the map.  My train of thought doesn’t always run straight, I have something to say about lots of things, I’m generally a peaceful person and I love everything and everybody.  And I pray for unhappy people, and it works!  Soemday, I’ll have to tell you about a coworker I’ll simply call, ‘Whinybutt.’   He created an unfriendly situation amongst a coworker and myself, and I prayed on it and he was a little less testy and he apologized to my one coworker for being so ugly.   Score!

Hi, I’m Angela, and this is my new blog.  How are [you] doing?

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